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Friday, February 01, 2013

What Every Parent of a Gay Child Needs to Know: 8. Marriage Is Still a Good Possibilty

What is it that virtually all parents want for their children?  That's easy: to be happy.

Let's go on a little side trip.  One of the most destructive aspects of LGBTs living in the closet is that many of them will try to cover up their sexual orientation by getting married.  In many cases, this is done with affection, but not with love.  That is, it does not satisfy their deepest longing.  And it is not only to conceal a secret, but, often, to make parents happy. Almost every mom and dad yearns for grandchildren.  So, believing that revealing their sexual orientation will crush their parent's dreams, they give opposite sex marriage a go. These are known as "mixed-orientation marriages."

The results are devastating to all parties involved.

"According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network, "When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce; the remaining third try to make their marriages work. A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years."

The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics:
20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage.
50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children.
40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner.
75 percent of all lesbians have children." (From a story on About.com by Sheri & Bob Stritof, About.com Guides)
Almost every LGBT I know over 40 tried unsuccessfully the marriage route.  Most had children.  But because the effort "to live a lie" (their words) was more than they could bear, divorce eventually followed.  Imagine the poor spouses left alone, the children, now bewildered, and most importantly, what could have been.  All this because society had no way of understanding the legitimacy of their orientation and could not make the necessary adjustment to allow for the one thing that would make them happy: same-sex marriage.

(For more biblical insight into the need for same-sex marriage, see http://clergyunited.blogspot.com/2013/01/loneliness-first-not-good-of-creation.html  I would recommend reading this before you continue with this post.)

So, if as a parent you want your child to be happy, you should foster an environment where they will be free to follow their own dreams for themselves, and not live out your own.

Fortunately, the tide is turning and now a majority of Americans are for giving LGBTs the freedom to marry.  It is conceivable that in the not too distant future, regardless of how the US Supreme Court decides on the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), or California's Proposition 8, same-sex marriage will be widespread across the States.

We need to make it possible for LGBTs to marry one of their own orientation.  It will end many injustices simultaneously: divorce, children of divorce, unsatisfactory life arrangements, and make possible the one thing parents want most for their children, their happiness.

The following video shows both the devastation and the hope that are both found when LGBTs marry other than of their natural orientation.  Watch it, and weep for all those who continue to struggle.




MONDAY: You still may have grandchildren

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