The Closet and Clandestine, Anonymous Sex

Part 4 of The Harmful Effects of the Closet

Preamble to each post: There is no doubt that "the closet" is the most harmful result of continuing to deny LGBTs a legitimate and equal place in society. By not acknowledging them, heterosexuals force them into hiding. The results are often catastrophic. What is also not in doubt is that the closet is of heterosexual making. Rather than wag our fingers and preach our condemning sermons, we should be doing all we can to eliminate this despicable situation. For a simple fact remains: if we eliminate the closet, we eliminate all those things that we negatively associate with gayness. Even better, LGBTs are freed from the inhumanity of closet life.

Way back in 1965, in a CBS documentary, viewers heard Mike Wallace say,

"The average homosexual, if there be such, is promiscuous. He is not interested or capable of a lasting relationship like that of a heterosexual marriage. His sex life, his love life, consists of a series of one–chance encounters at the clubs and bars he inhabits. And even on the streets of the city — the pick-up, the one night stand, these are characteristics of the homosexual relationship. And the homosexual prostitute has become a fixture in the downtown streets at night."

One thing we have learned since then is that this is not the picture of the "average homosexual."  Not then or ever.  It is, however, a slice of gay life that is also not all that uncommon among straight singles.  But typical, no; not of either sexual orientation.

But people back in that era were unfamiliar with the "average homosexual" because most lived deep in the closet.  There was no way of knowing the totality of the community as it was hidden from view; at least, from straight view.  All we thought we knew was based on rumor, innuendo and stereotypes passed from generation to generation.  The "average homosexual" was as unreal as the Cleaver family's depiction of the "average family" on "Leave It to Beaver."  Even in our time, when the closet is beginning to empty out, it is impossible to estimate the true percentage of the homosexual population, because so many remain unnoticed.

Today we know that the broad outlines suggested in the CBS documentary are decidedly false.  There are many thousands of documented life-long gay relationships, many of which became officially recognized in marriage ceremonies in states when they became legal. There are also innumerable Christian LGBTs who have persevered in their churches, even rising to high office as pastors, elders, deacons, teachers, choir directors, organists, as well as faithfully active members.  Many of us who were raised in homophobic environments became supporters, even advocates of gay equality, when we got to know many LGBTs and discovered the stereotypes we were taught are manifestly wrong.

Yet, the opposition likes to trot out so-called "scientific studies" which would keep in force these malicious stereotypes. One notable study is from Holland and is summarized in this way:

Homosexual Unions Last Only 1.5 Years, Says New Study

BY LIFESITENEWS.COM

• Mon Jul 14, 2003 11:15 EST

• 
  

AMSTERDAM, July 14, 2003 (LifeSiteNews.com) - As Canada and several U.S. states move toward the legalization of so-called homosexual “marriage,” a new study has found that homosexual partnerships last, on average, only one-and-a-half years.  The study is based on the health records of young Dutch homosexuals by Dr. Maria Xiridou of the Amsterdam Municipal Health Service and published in the May issue of the journal AIDS. It also found that men in homosexual relationships have an average of eight partners a year outside their main partnership, adding more evidence to the “stereotype” that homosexuals tend to be promiscuous.  The findings are “proof positive that these relationships ... will never be as stable as a normal heterosexual relationship regardless of what institutions or laws are changed,” said Pete LaBarbara, senior policy analyst at Concerned Women for America’s Culture and Family Institute, who predicts that homosexual promiscuity will remain “rampant.”

If this is all you had to go on, you might be inclined to take this at face value.  However, what LifeSiteNews does not tell you is that this study was confined only to those who were treated at STD clinics, were 30 years and younger, may not have been in an actual relationship, excluded monogamous men, was confined to the city of Amsterdam, and open mostly to HIV/AIDS patients.  In other words, this doesn't even begin to represent the gay community nor was it intended to.  This study was limited to the promiscuous for the purpose of determining how AIDS spread in a community.  And guess what they found?  Non-monogamous gays are not monogamous.  I'm shocked, shocked!  And, as far as lending itself to conclusions about the "average homosexual," it totally left out lesbians.

According to an analysis in the Box Turtle Bulletin:

This turns out to be a very common tactic among anti-gay extremists. Because they’re eager to portray their positions as being backed by scientific research, they often turn to medical studies to support their arguments. And they are especially fond of studies of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s), which they can count on to provide especially juicy statistics to describe “what homosexuals do”. But of course, all you really learn from these studies is what some homosexuals do — the ones who go to STD clinics because they’ve picked up a disease. By turning to Dr. Xiridou’s study, these activists are following a well-worn path. Click here for a full review of the misleading interpretations of the Dutch Report.

Now, to turn to the issue of promiscuity among gay men, let's not kid ourselves.  Men, per se, are promiscuous.  It is well-known among sociologists that women are the moderating factor in controlling male sexual urges.  It is also true that the libido in men is stronger than in women.  The following analogy is overly simplistic, yet to the point: Think of the libido as a light switch.  For men, it is mostly on, for women it is mostly off.  (Or, men are turned on and women need to be turned on.)  Naturally, when men are attracted to each other, it doesn't take much for the libidos to take over.  (I said this is overly simplistic, but not altogether unrealistic.)  When women are available to straight men for sexual purposes, they are no less promiscuous than gay men.  So let's not single out gay men as overly promiscuous.

But as to clandestine, anonymous sex, there may be a slight difference between gay and straight men. (Let's not overlook the fact that sex with prostitutes, phone sex, and one-night stands on the part of straight men, constitute clandestine, anonymous sex.)  But why is it that gay men populate the bath houses, parks, and backrooms in bars, and cruise the streets looking for a willing partner?  BECAUSE WHEN THEY ARE IN THE CLOSET, ANONYMOUS SEX IS ALL THAT IS AVAILABLE TO THEM.  Yes, I am shouting.  I am shouting because this reality needs to be clearly heard.  It is not because of moral laxity, or a character flaw, or an inherently deviant psychological disposition, but because as long as we force people into the closet, we give them no other choice.  At least it seems that way to them.  For to live one's gay sexuality in the open is not an option for those who live in the closet.

So, let's ease up on the rhetoric and give people a break.  Let's also do what we can to eliminate the need for the closet and most of the things straights abhor that go on there will disappear.

TOMORROW: Part 5: The intense loneliness of not having a life companion openly at one's side